The Cooking Show with Dave and Bro
by magdalen-magpie
Summary: Dave and Bro try to make a meal. Rated T for language. Not stridercest unless you wanna look at it that way. Drabble.


**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or anything affiliated with Homestuck by Andrew Hussie. I do not have control over whoever reads this.**

Dave perked up when he heard the front door unlock. By the time Bro had even opened the door and stumbled inside, Dave was all over him and grabbing the grocery sacks from his hands. Bro kicked shut the door behind him, as Dave howled in delight, pumping his fist.

Bro got mac n' cheese.

Dave and his brother were used to day old Chinese food and frozen pizza for meals, so when they got something they actually had to cook, it was always a big deal. Not only did either of them barely know how to cook, but even wrongly made mac n' cheese was better than another lo mein Dave was pretty sure was made from cat.

Dave looked through the rest of the bags, pulling out AJ and OJ, Doritos, Cheese Whiz, pretzels, microwave pizzas, and ice cream, seven of the eight pillars of the Strider Household Pantry. Dave helped stuff the frozen things away with various weapons in the freezer, bedore staring at the orange mac n' cheese box.

The smiley face in the logo of the brand was taunting him.

"Hey, Lil' Man, get me a pot." Bro ordered, and Dave looked at him like he was insane.

They ate out of Chinese containers and drank from the bottle- Did they even own dishes?

After a second Dave looked through every drawer and finally located a pot, setting it on the counter and staring at it. Bro picked up the little paper box and read the instructions. "6 cups of water, bring to a boil." He read aloud.

Dave and him shrugged at each other, while Dave went and got a drinking cup- not a measuring one- and poured six cup-fulls into the pot. Bro set it on the stove, playing with it for a second before getting all of the burners to turn on at once.

Bro cursed out loud and quickly turned it off, setting some crumbs on fire. He coolly blew it off and started again, finally getting the right burner on. Then he pressed the 'broil' button, mistaking it for 'boil'.

The two siblings sat there for a moment.

"Bro... How do we tell when it's boiling?"

Bro paused a moment, before pulling out his iPhone and totally not looking it up. He found some mom website, huffing before reading aloud.

"...water will come to a boil when large bubbles are rising to the top and popping, creating foam. Should take about 10 minutes." He read, shrugging while Dave groaned.

Then they both sat there, staring at the pot, as if it would boil faster from intimidation. Everytime a little bubble road to the surface one of them would tense up, about to ask the other if it was boiling, before shaking it off and trying to be cool.

After 10 minutes of this, the water finally matched the description. Bro read the directions again which now called for the mac part. Dave got the box and tore it open, fumbling with it and successfully tearing up the instructions and dropping the little bag of cheese power on the floor.

Bro bent over to pick it up, as Dave dumped the noodles in quickly, and splashing the burning water up on his hand. He yelped and dropped the cardboard box in, too.

"Fuck! The mac!" Bro hissed, quickly grabbing it before the entire thing sank and throwing it in the trash. "Fuck, my hands!" Dave yelled back, cradling his injured fingers to his chest.

"Don't be a little bitch about it, just suck on it!" Bro grumbled, stirring the noodles. Now they had another ten minutes. Upon figuring out that Dave had destroyed the box and therefore instructions, Bro glared at him and proceeded to look it up on his phone.

Dave sat on the edge of the counter, huffing as he sucked on his fingers. "Where the fuck's the strainer?" Bro asked, looking around and going through cupboards.

"That that thing with the holes?" Dave mumbled. Bro nodded.

Dave made a face, "It's in the bathroom."

"...Why's it in the bathroom."

"..."

"..."

"Just clean it out."

Bro groaned and went to find it, scrubbing it clean and washing it just in time. He made Dave move, before pouring the mixture of mac and water into the strainer over the sink, making a whole lot of steam rise up.

"Get the milk an' butter an' powder-cheese stuff." Bro instructed, turning off the stove and setting the pot back on it, mac put back inside it. Dave found those things and Bro put the cheese and butter in, while Dave poured the milk and eyeballed it.

"Woah there Lil' Man-" Bro warned, but Dave had already poured too much milk in.

"Didn't you pay attention when I taught you how to cook!?" Bro growled, just about 100% done with everything. He carefully got the excess milk out, and stirred it all up as the continued to argue.

"You don't even know how to cook! You never taught me!"

"Okay well I got you that game thing!"

"What!?"

"It was from Japan and supposed to be very educational!"

"Wait... 'Cooking Mama'!?" Dave crossed his arms and huffed at him, about to open his mouth and complain more, before Bro shoved a bowl of the glorious, somehow still edible mac in his face.

Dave let it slide for now, too absorbed in the food of the gods to even care. They did it. They made the mac n' cheese. But... Bro had more than him.

"Bro! Make it 50/50! Why do you get more!?"

"I'm bigger."

"N-uh."

"Lil' serving for a Lil' Man. Now dial down the bitch and eat."


End file.
